My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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