i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
