i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
