Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
