Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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