I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize