You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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