this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
