Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
