I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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