All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
