HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
there is puke in my bra ... again
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