You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
