I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
