You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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