I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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