Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
