There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
