I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
