yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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