we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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