I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize