We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
