I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
