Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
