You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Congratulations! We have a period
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
