so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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