she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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