i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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