my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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