To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
