Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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