Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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