11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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