He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
