I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize