I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
