I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
