After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
