she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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