i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
