He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
false alarm, still single
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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