I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
