Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
