What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize