she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
