lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
