He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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