Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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