and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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