i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
