I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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