I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
