we have pet lesbian snakes
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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