I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
