Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize