Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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