I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
