Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
