the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
