My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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