Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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