What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize