note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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