You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize