u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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