cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
