I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
