He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
