accomplished twins. life is a go
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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